Choosing to Choose what I Bloody Well Choose!

2 04 2009

My divorce is now on the map – the paperwork was submitted to the court and approved, yesterday; I should have my decree nisi by mid-July and my absolute by August. I know categorically that I won’t feel any different when I have that piece of paper than I do now – a free woman, who is once again able to make decisions based on what I want out of my life; to choose the people I want to spend my intimate time with. I have the gift of choice. I can have any damn thing I want, within reason.

I’m older, though, and I have the benefit of a huge amount of extra experience, knocks and bumps; things that worked, things that failed catastrophically. Stuff I chose to do and reaped the whirlwind for; risks I took which had unexpected benefits.

The fact of the matter is; whoever I choose, however it ends up, whatever happens, it’s been my choice. We take the consequences for the things we choose to do; it’s the first step to knowing oneself; responsibility for action.

Witchcraft gives one a certain amount of prescience; but we’re not goddesses or gods, just plain old word made flesh; human, fallible, subject to all the usual humdrum lusts and desires that cloud our judgement and make us act irrationally. Everyone is like this. No-one’s experience is so like another’s that there’s an automatic read-across. So why the big urge to drop in the four penn’orth of  ‘useful advice’?

There are those whose guidance I seek and listen to, because I respect them and understand their motivation. There are others who give their opinion whether I want it or not, and whose view I discount if it doesn’t suit my purposes at the time.

I know I’m going to fuck it up at some point. Who doesn’t? But the crucial thing is; don’t tell me I’m going to fuck it up ahead of time. What do you think that says about how you feel about me? Think about that.

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8 responses

2 04 2009
Michael

I emphatize. No matter what, you still need to keep going and realistically you are just doing it. Take charge of everything that comes along …..

2 04 2009
The Green Witch

I agree, Michael.. thanks for visiting here!

3 04 2009
starofseshat

Personally I don’t think you HAVE fucked up before now or WILL fuck up in future; as you say, you have taken decisions, and you, more than anyone else in your situation, have taken responsibility and created the potential for peace out of chaos. Where is the failure in that? You are the phoenix rising from the ashes while others still have a mouthful of dirt…

Live. Love. Enjoy. Be at peace. And don’t forget to tell me all about it … !!!

I love you

Seshat

3 04 2009
The Green Witch

Again, you make me see the right of it. I’m doing well on this – better than ever before in my life and the curve is relentlessly upwards.

I shall indeed live, love, enjoy and be at peace; and you shall hear everything.

~I love you, too. xx

3 04 2009
Tess

Others commenting here have used exactly the same words I was going to: realistic and responsible. I see both in the little I know of you through your writing. Choice is a great thing! I know you won’t feel any different, but I wonder if you’re planning a decree absolute ritual – it’s another rite of passage to mark. Wishing you well.

6 04 2009
The Green Witch

Tess, that’s a brilliant idea. And needs doing, as my ritual observance of late can best be described as patchy!

18 05 2009
crystalraven

Creating a ritual for such a passage is a great idea and I agree with the other posters making mistakes is normal, learning from them is what’s important.
Blessings!

27 05 2009
The Green Witch

Thank you and blessings, Crystalraven!

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