Birth, rebirth

1 08 2008

I remember when I was first called along this path, I felt the most amazing depth of attunement to Them; there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that the path was there for me if only I would take it. Similarly, there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that I was taking the right path, the only path for me.

There was a time at the start of the call that I felt exactly like Seshat describes in her post, Hieros Gamos – an unbelievable synergy, a totality of union, a sexual, spiritual and visceral thrill, a psychic alarm and awakening, like ice-water through your bones. There was power, as much power as anyone might ever need; compressed, restrained, separated from me but still there, latent, available at some point soon, promised. Set aside for me alone.

Since that time I have come a great distance; rocky ground, at times. Stopping off along the way to take detours and to see new things; doubting, rechecking, re-reading. Going back and springing forward. Getting lost. Getting profitably lost, which is something altogether different. But at no point have I decided against this path; every day has only reaffirmed the rightness and correctness of the way I’m going.

I don’t have a destination, so the path I take is not relevant. It doesn’t have to be the shortest or most direct route between two points; and if there’s forests, bears, palaces and wonders along the way,the journey is just that much richer.

Commitment grows the further away from port you get. When he reached the New World, Cortez burned his ships, ensuring his men were well-motivated. Mine have been smouldering awhile – now they’re blazing and I’m chucking on oil. Commitment is the force that breaks the barrier between you and Them; which releases the power held in trust to your service. I have realised in the last months that as my commitment and effort increases, so do the rewards. And this is happening now, here; not in some indefinable point in the future, not in the Next Life; my efforts, such as they are, are being rewarded or answered in kind. I feel as though I am actually being reborn.

I want the Hieros Gamos; I had it, misused it and misinterpreted what it meant. I may never get it again – but I had it, and should I ever be so graced again I would recognise it for what it was.

I feel now as I felt then;  like John Duncan’s St Bride. Borne above the water with no fear of falling.




5 responses

2 08 2008

“Commitment grows the further away from port you get.” This rings so true for me, as well. As I wander farther, I discover more and more about my personal spirituality, which strengthens my commitment to my wandering path.

I am also finding that I am beginning to cycle back towards a more solitary practice, after exploring group practices and socializing within the pagan community in my area these past few years…

2 08 2008

A beautiful post, Green Witch. Very, very well put.
I identify fully.

3 08 2008
The Green Witch

Owlish, I’m glad to hear your path is one of such quiet certainty. You sound balanced and happy – many out there will be sighing a sigh and wishing ‘me too’!

Seshat, my dear; with this as with so much else, we seem to be of one mind; this comforts me immeasurably.

4 08 2008

So interesting — and such a challenge to risk and trust so deeply.

Looking forward to hearing more about your journey…


4 08 2008
The Green Witch

There are times I think I must be crackers, and others where I know I’m on the right track. I think there’s room for both perspectives! 🙂

I’ll keep on posting about this, as I think I can be moderately objective and avoid the more ugsome manifestations of navel-gazing….. perhaps!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: