Yesterday, today

15 06 2008

Yesterday was hell. I was stressed, angry, strung out, impatient with my son, oppressed, resentful, sullen ย and just plain furious. All this, for no good reason that I could clearly articulate.

Today, I am calm, cheerful, sunny, funny, in tune with everyone, capable, unworried and happily busy.

Where does all this emotional rollercoastering come from? Goddess, wouldn’t I like to be able to bottle how I feel today and take a good swig of it whenever I need to!! I hate being cross and impatient and rude to people. What stops me from, well, stopping, if I dislike it so much?!

Welcome to the exasperated world of TGW!

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17 responses

15 06 2008
Tess

Oh yeah! I can definitely empathise with this one! Not the son so much as I don’t have kids, but the extremes of the swings. We used to call the bad days “getting out of bed the wrong side”.

15 06 2008
The Green Witch

If this was a metaphor you could say that I fell down the gap on the wall side of the bed and never actually got out again. Today, I sprang out of bed the right side and hit the ground running!

Too much thinking, not enough doing, I reckon – again! ๐Ÿ™‚

15 06 2008
Andy

I have times like this, and it’s usually due to me allowing the pressure from others to take over, for some reason. It happens when I lost that sense of ‘me’ in a world of ‘duty’ and other imposed imperatives. When I step out of that, I am fine again. The ‘stepping out’ isn’t always easy, though!

15 06 2008
stoneshaman

Peaceful Blessings, Green Witch

I think that we need to go with the experience that we are in at the moment. If we are feeling angry then that is fine, same as if we are happy, sad, wired, melancholic, contemplative etc.
We are only human and it is perfectly normal to express the emotions whatever they may be. I never understood why anger tends to be seen as a negative emotion as surely everyone feels it at some point?

In my book, it’s always best to go with the flow and without regrets. Everything needs to be said for a reason ๐Ÿ™‚

Bright Blessings, Stoneshaman

16 06 2008
The Green Witch

Welcome Stoneshaman; good to see you here!

Perhaps you’re right. Anger’s always been a great negative in my family – you don’t show your emotions, especially the bad ones. Within reason, a frank accounting for your felt emotions can only be a good thing.

16 06 2008
stoneshaman

I think that probably speaks for most families, I agree. There are other things that I consider to be worse like spitefulness, bullying and vindictive behaviour-sometimes caused by what I call ‘silent anger’

Thank goodness we experience the good times too.

16 06 2008
The Green Witch

Silent anger kills families – I couldn’t agree more, Ceri.

16 06 2008
stoneshaman

I agree too, if you meant it in the context of ‘the family’ as a social construct.

I think it’s always good to know the wider picture of a situation and exactly the correct context and timing of anything. Sometimes things are deliberately misinterpreted by those who have other agendas. Sometimes it is difficult to know what actually has been said, or what one has been ‘accused of’. This is what I meant by the above, perhaps I didn’t put the point over very well. Apologies, in no way did I intend it to be personal. Just having a mini rant!

To make an informed decision we need to listen to all the salient facts not the rumours or the hearsay, although a public place may not be appropriate for this.

If you want to know, just ask me.

16 06 2008
The Green Witch

I was being literal – family as my family, my relatives. What you said struck a massive chord – silent anger is that sort of passive-aggressive refusal to face a problem and thereby clear it off the decks. The result is a constant oppressive feeling of being under a cloud, ‘in trouble’, especially for the children put under this pressure. I’ts pretty intolerable. I used to hate it when I was young and I’m still finding myself affected by it today, no matter how I tell myself I’m not going to be.

I think what you said was well said – I didn’t even think of taking offence so you mustn’t worry that I did – I appreciate your frank input, because it’s helpful!

16 06 2008
stoneshaman

Ok, I see where you’re coming from now. It makes sense to me, thanks for clearing that one up. Although I’ve never quite understood the passive/aggressive concept, I take it to mean those who bottle things up and then let off steam occasionally. Is this a ‘bad’ thing? I’m not sure.
I only know that the times that I have ranted publicly, I tend to do so with my tongue firmly in placed in my cheek, I’m usually humerous and I can be a bit of a performer and everyone else is totally aware of this. I’m saying what others are thinking. I can not sit by and watch injustice and exploitation and I’ve come to the age where I don’t really care if I’m popular!
You’re very perceptive, Green Witch, refusal to face a problem does give a constant oppressive feeling. However, it is very helpful if the precise problem is clarified and ‘owned’ by the individual with the problem! Talking and listening are always good.
I really do enjoy reading your blog, I too find your thoughts helpful ๐Ÿ™‚

16 06 2008
The Green Witch

Passive-aggression is when you refuse to come forward. It’s the person who says, no, I’m fine – but patently isn’t. It’s the ‘polite’ note to the flatmate, dripping with venom, about why they haven’t done the washing up. My whle family thrives on it, it’s a form of mind control and the means by which they get things done. I hate it, and try my hardest not to do it.

Bottling stuff up and letting off steam is normal – a good thing, I think. Within bounds!

I know what you mean about being popular – I’m quite a cross and crusty type myself and I am not a sufferer of fools; as long as they really ARE fools. If they’re misinformed, a bit clueless or they mean well, I guess it’sa different matter. Trouble is, I can’t always tell the difference! ๐Ÿ™‚ Live and learn….

16 06 2008
stoneshaman

You have insight into your family situation, surely that’s a precious thing.
I guess we can’t change others but we can change our perception of situations.
Easily said, and I’m thinking of myself here!

16 06 2008
The Green Witch

How right you are – I think the only person we can realistically change is ourselves. Plenty of people expend huge energy attempting to change others – I’ve tried it myself and realise it’s an exercise in futility.

I wish I didn’t see my family’s problems quite so clearly, but the view has assisted me, and now it’s assisting my brother, who finds the whole thing a bit much. It has also, interestingly, made it possible for me to act with absolute dispatch in a recent, very tricky family matter, and I did what turned out to be right and with no shilly-shallying. Valuable lesson learned.

17 06 2008
stoneshaman

I’m glad that things turned out well for you. However, this is not about shilly-shallying or procrastinstion. It’s about looking at a full picture. A picture that is very sensitive, controversial and possibly has legal implications.
Any frank accounts would probably fill a full blog of their own, not to mention a book an a film!
It’s not about one persons rant or their personal life. It’s about finding out the Truth of a situation, of people, of organisations. It’s about how people protect, hide and defend their own. It’s about money, power, politics and sex. It’s absolutely not and I stress ‘not’ to say that organisations, paths or people are bad. They have many positive qualities and teach wonderful things, they generate the local community and have much to offer.
This is about a small minority of individuals. It’s also about a promise made and kept.

17 06 2008
stoneshaman

I hope that this makes sense and it’s fine if you decide not to publish ๐Ÿ™‚

18 06 2008
The Green Witch

I think you must be hiding somewhere in my office! ๐Ÿ™‚

Very perceptive, and very close to the mark – how interesting.

Thank you for this reflection, stoneshaman – I really appreciate it!

18 06 2008
stoneshaman

I always appreciate your comments too, it’s good to talk ๐Ÿ™‚

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