Imbolc 2008

4 02 2008

A very tough ceremony, with a lot to let go of, but positivity is the result and I feel a great deal better.

M and I worked to a ceremony she prepared, and the crux was to write all the negative and outworn behaviours, and things that could be parted from, onto scraps of paper and then throw them away within the circle. They were swept up widdershins and then burnt, the ashes being buried in the garden to promote growth and life out of something negative and stultifying.

It was an elegant and simple ceremony that worked for me on a number of levels; I’ve always found writing things down to be a form of exorcism, particularly for negative ingrained behaviour – when I write it down I can somehow see immediately how pointless the behaviour is, and can make up my mind finally to stop it.

Also, it brought M and I closer; friendships, and indeed working partnerships, are not always to be built on positives, on good times – when there’s hard work to be done, hard things to be faced down, that’s when you know who your friends really are. This wasn’t desperately difficult as workings go, but it’s a first test of nerve. I think it went well.

We were able to wish for a friend – I was able to send up a prayer for B, the son of a friend on WW – he recently fell out of the cab of his truck and shattered his leg. Here’s hoping he’s making a good recovery!

Now we regroup and look towards Ostara – I’m writing this ceremony so I will be reflecting and meditating on themes.

I also remembered later last night that I had forgotten one very important negative influence in my spiritual sweeping away – I will follow M’s suggesting to use the New Moon as a good time to add this to the pile – it’s perhaps better that it is taken in isolation, as it is deeply ingrained, of life-long standing and very personal indeed.




7 responses

6 02 2008
The Shepton Witch

Maybe you needed to shift the first lot of unhelpful habits before you felt free enough to move this last one away…? It sounds like a wonderful ritual.

6 02 2008
The Green Witch

I think you may be right here, SW. I got the overlying stuff out of the viewfinder and discovered another, much older problem – but now it’s in the light, it’s ripe for a sweeping away!!

I’m actually going to wait a few days, taking advantage of the waxing moon, and use the time to reinforce the positives about this particular historic situation – there’s a connection there I don’t want to break, because it’s family – but then at the next new moon, sweep away the negativity surrounding this relationship. I don’t suppose for a minute that will be the end of it, and I can see myself needing to re-affirm this decision for many New Moons to come – but that’s not such a bad thing, and it will keep my mind focussed. I cannot expect bad habits and ingrained behaviours of 35 winters to be swept away by a single Spring clean!! πŸ™‚

6 02 2008
The Shepton Witch

That sounds like a really good plan. It’s always sensible to consolidate on the improvements before moving on and if you are to tackle something as ingrained as this, you want to be on certain ground.

Removing unhelpful elements from a relationship can be interesting to say the least, especially as it is a long established thing. I know that I have failed to change my relationship with my mother to something that I can deal with and we now don’t have any contact at all. She is happy to deal with me when she has the adult role and I play the child role, which is why she gets along with my sister so well. I tried to change the dynamic and have an adult/adult relationship with her, which sometimes meant that I would not allow myself to be manipulated and the result was odd. Rather than engaging, she immediately went into truculent child mode and was quite intractable.

I realised that when people get older, they don’t always become more mature or wise, they just get better at being manipulative or whatever characteristic it is that works for them. Far from improving things, it broke a relationship that was not robust and mostly held together with the glue that was my father. It was a painful time, especially as it was after my father’s death, but in the end I found that I couldn’t be static or pretend to be something I wasn’t. I did my utmost to make it work and ultimately walked away when my mother decided that she was not going to make any effort to meet me, never mind half-way!

Now, I’m sure your situation or relationship isn’t anything like that, and I’m sorry for boring you with another novella, but it was by way of alerting you that there may be unexpected results when you start on something so long established. On the law of averages though, it means yours should turn out wonderfully well. πŸ˜€

I wish you calm, strength and clarity for your working and a happy result. πŸ˜€

6 02 2008
The Green Witch

With your usual prescience you’ve hit the facts square in the eye! πŸ™‚

It’s my mother too. I’d like to get to a place with her where she can be an adult and so can I, and where there’s a possibility she can find out I’m, ahem!, ‘differently-religioned’ and her not have a cow about it!

Tough work and unlikely to succeed, but I want to try. I owe my relationship as a daughter that chance. Mother deserves it too – she has no idea how strong and mutually supportive we could be if she would only let me be along side her on an equality.

And as I can’t say these things to her directly, I have to try and change the only thing I can – me; and the way I handle our relationship.

As you so rightly said, I have to be able to say I tried; further, I have to be able to say I did all I could.

My mother is old, and not well; she might last 10 years or 2, or 2 months. No-one knows, do they? So the time to start trying to mend fences must be now.

6 02 2008
The Green Witch

… and you never bore me. I’m so sorry your attempt to do the same didn’t work out the way you’d hoped – it’s very disappointing. But I know you – you did do your utmost. You made the effort, and you can reassure yourself that you could have done no more. You are a good person.

7 02 2008
The Shepton Witch

Oh, I am at peace with myself about it. It took a while but in the end I realised that all the while I was not being true to me and trying to keep things going on an illusion, I was so stressed that… well, let’s leave it there.

The mother daughter relationship is a tough one. I can’t tell you how grateful I am to have a son rather than a daughter. I have a book on my shelf that someone gave me ages ago (it was a duplicate, not because they thought I needed it) called My Mother My Self and maybe it is time I read it. You may borrow it if you would like to.

I hope I wasn’t too direct, but I had wondered if the length of your relationship led to your mother. I truly hope you have more success than me. It doesn’t delight me that I am out of contact with mine, but I do it for my own mental health. I had just wanted to tell you how weirdly wrong mine attempt went as I really had thought I would succeed and that we would be able to move to a more enlightened relationship – just in case! I shall light a candle for you, and for your mother, and hope things work well when the time comes.

8 02 2008
The Green Witch

Thank you my dear. I should like very much to borrow that book when you’ve finished with it. My father calls mother and myself ‘Bird’s Eye’ because apparently we’re two peas in a pod. I’d like to try and see whether we are in fact, and whether I actually want us to be?! And if it is so, whether my bad habits can be seen in her and therefore eradicated from me, by me, if you see what I mean *bit tangled, that thought*.

I admit I hold out no particular hope that things will change. Mother hears what she wants to hear, and when things don’t go her way it means everyone else is wrong, not her. But we’ll see, and work in hope, and find out where that takes us.

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