Samhain 2009

It’s all change for TGW! New home, and a new happiness. I have all but moved out of The Little House and have taken up residence at Three Chimneys, the home of my wonderful partner M. Perhaps most wonderfully of all, he sussed my paganism from the start – in fact from our first date – acknowledges its importance but crucially isn’t the least bit interested in hearing about it. There’s none of the prurience, pretend understanding, cliche-ridded heavy-handed ‘humour’ or other badinage or railery that I’ve become so weary of over the years. Stepping out of the broom closet to important others in your life is a trial sometimes; thankfully this time it wasn’t.

This Samhain I have so much to give thanks for, so much to feel blessed about, so much to cherish and so much to remember. It truly seems to be the most fruitful Autumn I can remember.

Where to begin? I could tell you about the wonderful walks we’ve been on, gathering conkers by the river with R as the leaves fall in shimmering files and drifts; I could tell you about watching the swan family on the river as they serenely brought up 7 chicks to near-adulthood. Or how about the baking of cakes and pies and bread that fill the kitchen at Three Chimneys with fragrance and comfort every weekend? Or the aromatic, piney fires we build and bask in front of on windy, rainy nights? So much to tell.

Casseroles, wine, fellow-hail, comfort, safety and warmth. Mellow light on old stone. Burnished copper reflecting candles, reflecting golden flames seen through the clear glasses in the front of the log-burner. Deep rugs, soft chairs and warm throws to cuddle your feet into. Hot tea on tap. Whiskey and ice, to round out the evenings together. Books, everywhere books. Combined possessions of two people with similar interests, tastes and pursuits. Love, care, understanding. A welcome without and a welcome within. At last, a safe mooring and a home for me and for R.

The house is a work in progress, and it is progressing apace; only this week we’ve finished restoring the panelling in the drawing room, commissioned three more radiators, replastered the landing and the master bedroom, cleared out a skip-load of junk preparatory to my furniture arriving and mended the floorboards in the hall. I’ve planted the urns outside the front door; we’re planning a large Yuletide party to warm the threshold and everyone’s really excited, not least us!

There are carved pumpkins in all the windows, made by R and myself; one happy, one sad and one ‘grumpy’  which came out slightly wrong and actually looks like the poor fruit has indigestion. We’re due at the local Fire Festival on Saturday night – procession of giants, wicker man, fireworks, huge bonfire and all the hot-dogs R can stuff down his maw during the evening. Mulled wine, boeuf carbonnade and mashed potatoes before we go out, to ensure centrally heated bodies as we process through the darkness to the festival site, to the transformative magic of fire, lights and brilliance in the sky, cheer, wassail and the beginning of the New Year for me and for mine.

The moon will be waxing full tomorrow night, the best of all times for me to wish ahead and work for the future.

Blessed Samhain, to all my dearest friends.

It’s Time

… for the altar to be set up once more!

I’ve had all my pieces and items in a box since the move, waiting to have the right space in which to use them. I now do so – a large pine trunk set up facing North in my sitting room, empty so all the pieces can be stored away, and perfectly placed for the garden, so I can open the doors and sit behind the altar looking out.

I aim to work tonight, rededicating all my items in the service of the Goddess, and beginning my devotions afresh. Since Beltane, I feel as though I’ve landed; I’m home. Now it’s time to start working again.

Beltane – New Dreams

As I sit here, listening to the rain pattering on the roof of the unit where I work, I cast my mind back across the last twelve months. Rocky roads, rocky times; not time to think or to feel. Things left undone. But here in the burgeoning Spring of 2009, there’s suddenly light and room to move and to breathe.

I have thought I was fighting my way clear of the ties in previous months, but had the wit to realise it’s like climbing a mountain – numerous false horizons and that the key is never to give up hope. Conserve your energy. Keep plugging away. Take breathers. Don’t forget to breathe!

I’ve been out meeting new people, exploring new interests, and simply enjoying my home and my garden. Balancing solitude and the comfort of relaxation and downtime with going out and enjoying myself in company. I’ve been travelling more, seeing new places. Taking small risks, small excitements and relishing them. Working on my physical fitness, and my mental fitness. In essence, echoing the process of fettling and greening that I see going on around me every day.

So here we are at Beltane, beginning of our Summer; the Goddess and the God meet in the birthtime of the buds; so it couldn’t be a more auspicious time for me to reconnect with my path once more. Beltane this year  is also at the time of the First Quarter of the moon, which is perfect for the work I wish to do; building, strengthening, affirming work, consolidating the distance I’ve come so far.

I find the witchcraft path is like this – we allow ourselves to  become distracted by quotidian vicissitudes, separated from our source and the spring of our power; perhaps one day I’ll learn the trick of keeping my hand on the unicorn’s rein! Till then, I come home again, happy in the knowledge that I can rededicate, resubmit, revitalise my work, look at it once more with a new eye, keep the good and prune the no-so-good and shake the dust from the raiment.

I am taking Beltane Day off work, for an extended meditation, reorganisation and prayer session. I am taking time, precious time, to do what is necessary, what is right for me here and now. I like this. It feels like being able to spread my wings for the first time in an age; I will spread them wide.

Like a Cat

I’m sitting here feeling the strangest sensation, the equivalent of a cat unsheathing its claws, that rubbery, delicious stretching and flexing of a rusty muscle working again after a long furlough.

My mind is waking up. Outside all the clamour and jabber and jangling the last three months have roused in me, I’ve had flashes of intuition, ghosts of ideas, brief flashes of inspiration, and just never got up the impetus to write effectively. Like Andy at Somerset Pagan I have felt as though I should write; but chose not to, partly from inertia and partly from cussed bloody-mindedness. And despite all this, visitors to my blog have not deserted me, despite seeing I didn’t have anything to say; we hit 19,000 this morning and I thank the Goddess, plus I’m totally amazed. Where did all these people come from?!

Yule looms and I am reminded that Seshat and I began our journey together at this time last year. We are working together this Yule too – and will be celebrating our difference, our strength, our togetherness once again. The year always begins and ends here for me.

Now the Sparkly Season is upon us and things have loosened off; there’s room to breathe and to look around. I’m organised; I know what I’ve got to do and by when. Work is in hand, family are in hand; my home is three quarters organised and a paragon of whimsical efficiency and comfort. I am looking forward to Yule and to receiving guests and friends for wassail and cheer. I am going to give myself a break and enjoy the next few weeks without let or hindrance. This is my reward for dangers faced and a breathing space to prepare for whatever is to come.

All Shall Be Made New

Here I am again, myself and yet not myself; grown different and stronger and freer all at once!

Some background seems sensible, or I’ll be talking gibberish; the upheaval and changes in my personal life, while traumatic, have been enormously fruitful and continue to be so. I feel reborn. It isn’t so much a shucking off of old associations and ties but a reassessment of what it is that I want out of my life, the only one I have.

When you bump along without demanding control of your life and you allow the winds and tides to drive you, you are relinquishing the better part of the thing that makes you human; the ability to determine your path and form it in the image you create. This is a form of alchemy, small ‘a’; you imagine the result and then, eyes closed, you mould the method and release it to do its work. We do this every day, all day; managing and planning and making things happen.

I’ve been silent, recently, because I’ve been listening; listening as though my life depended upon it, which I sincerely believe it might actually do. The life I want, at any rate. I’ve been learning the tune and committing the words to memory. I do not want to simply live; I want to live forever. Ambitious, no? I’m not talking about immortality, in the spiritual sense; I’m talking about the superlative life, the life filled with sparkle and dash and vivid memory, not one moment wasted henceforth. And the beauty of it is that the raw materials are free and all that is required from me is will and a sound plan.

Between me listening to me, I’ve been listening to others; particuarly my lovely Seshat and her new joint venture, The Adversarial Path. Seshat has found a new and compelling direction for her life, and again she and I echo each other in this; what I’m enjoying is the difference between our processes and the diversity of the results. She has made herself new, as have I. She has a new path, full of danger and wonders; I have reaffirmed my commitment to the old path, with a will to go back to first principles once again and work hard on my spiritual and religious life. In this we support each other, reveling in our difference, discussing, disputing but always respecting. I’ll be visiting her and Alexander there at the AP, to read and learn and understand, the better to discuss and question and grow. 

For me this is the essence of the Pagan way; joy in difference, in understanding, in growth despite pain. I often find that turmoil in my life causes me to think afresh and with renewed clarity about my spirituality and my beliefs. It makes you meet your gods again, as if for the first time. It reminds you of the first time you met them. 

Yule is upon us; the start of the celebrations of the year in my particular calendar. It is also the anniversary of Seshat and I beginning our year and a day… and look at where we’ve come to.

OK, I’m just going to say this and then…

Then, dear people, you may shoot me or whatever!!!

I have a moderately long fuse, but it has been tested almost to snapping point by the tag surfer here at WordPress this week. I’ve been quiet, largely; reading and mooching and listening and like always with me, it didn’t take long to find something to have a pop at.

Now, don’t get me wrong. The machinery of the tag surfer is doing its job as always – in fact, WordPress is so freakishly smooth and glitch free it scares me, touch wood, dodge a ladder, chuck the salt….

NO. The problem is the rude members of the ‘opposing’ side who insist on tagging their posts Wicca, Witchcraft, Paganism while either having a pop at the funny lookin’ witches over here, or nearly busting a gut fulminating on the evil in the world in general, or us in particular.

I have had two sensible conversations with Christian bloggers over the Hallowe’en / Samhain period; both had a point of view but were keen to share thoughts and we didn’t agree, but were polite and respectful and keen to hear the other side. And I’ve had three not so polite exchanges. The polite ones were men, and the impolite ones were women, but this may not be statistically significant.

I realise I’m tilting at windmills, but why shouldn’t I have a crack at this? There’s so much misformation out there! 

When I start tagging posts like this Christianity I’ll know I’ve really hit the bottom of the barrel. The only reason I’d do that is to get myself noticed by, well, Christians. And I don’t blog for Christians, or to bait Christians, or to engage Christians in debate. If I want to do that, I think I’ve shown I can find my own debating partners with little or no trouble.

So I’m left with the surmise that the Christians of this particular stripe, the frothy, Hallowe’en-is-the-devil’s-work sort, WANT to mix it up with us. Perhaps they think we need saving, or intervention, or a lifebelt.

Ps, you guys – for all we know, Hallowe’en may very well be the devil’s work – from a commercialism point of view, particularly in America, it takes some beating for exploitation, trouble and the creation of pointless purchasing opportunities. But don’t take it out on the poor pagans. We’ve got the curtains shut, pretending we’re not in, while thousands of small children hang on the bell wanting chocolate. We just want some peace and quiet to cast our sacred space and talk to those who have gone before.

Samhain Blessings!

To all my dear friends, old and new, friends I have not yet met and those who have gone ahead – blessings and love to you on this Samhain Eve.

I especially remember granny Jo, my wonderful, amazing grandmama; my cousin Anne-Marie; my cousin Hamish; and my cousin-in-law Simon, lately gathered.

May the Goddess and the God bless us all and keep us. As the year rolls towards the Dark Half, l will be planting new seeds that will sprout, I hope, come the Spring.

Approaching the Full

Full Moon will be tomorrow, Tuesday 14th at 20:04 precisely. Working with the Full Moon has oftentimes been a bad move for me; I seem to do well with the rising power, and surprisingly well with the dark, badly with the waning, particularly the last quarter. The Full Moon usually sends me (no other word for this) loopy. All my work goes awry; the power slips the leash and heads off down its own path.

So this Full Moon I’m going to wrestle it down and contain it. There’s power for the using here, if only I can direct it. This wildness in the magic can surely be used for directed purpose. I’m feeling mad enough to try it; let’s see!

Coincidentally, it will be my first working in my new room. This room was once my husband’s as well, but I have reclaimed it and smudged it; Seshat saw it over the weekend and says she feels it is truly mine. I agree, and hoped it was true, so I’m glad of the endorsement. There’s so much more room in there, spiritually and psychically. I can lay out a pretty respectable size of circle and work completely within it. The room itself is actually the extent of the circle – the corners are fairly well the compass points and there will be candles at each – so an ellipse, 20′ x 16′ to all intents and purposes. Fantastic.

I shall be working for clarity of vision, strength to stand alone, strength to spare so that my friends in need can be supplied unstintingly. By the looks of it, these themes will sit well with this particular Full Moon; always knowledgeable and informative, Starweaver’s comments add light here.  I shall be working to come closer to my Goddess. I shall be echoing the sentiments Seshat sent me in her worked item last week; and I shall be looking forward to Samhain, not long away. My dear friends Boleskine93, Naufragio and Seshat will be working as a team on that night; I will be working alone but not lonely. More on this to follow.

The Sum of the Parts

When we work together as pairs or groups, what are our expectations? It might be fair to expect a larger group to generate more energy, or better focused energy, but we know from our least experience that this doesn’t happen; quite often, the reverse is true. The politics and compromise of group work can dissipate the power potential, leaving us less than the sum of the parts assembled.

When you work alone, you deal only with your own limitations; your own fears and doubts and your own imagination. How big is the room? As big as you can envisage. Or as small.

When you work in pairs, especially if you find a good formula, the world is literally made small and you rise above it and can see the facts, see the truth; this happened again with Seshat last evening.

I find it consistently amazing that I can gather for a working and be stressed, insufficiently grounded and prepared, anxious, not calm, and Seshat can bring me gently down and park me in the circle. About halfway through our devotions last night, I came back to my body with a little bump and suddenly felt my calm running through me again like a cool dark river.

We worked for strength for the people in our lives, and sent out our love, and asked for strength for ourselves too; today I feel like a new person. After we’d given our river offerings and said our prayers, I leapt into the air and yawped, loudly, into the dark cold air, nose to the stars, and capered with glee.

I worked towards Hecate; goddess of the crossroads, anger, underworld, air and darkness, to lend me her fury and dispatch and knowledge of the Way.

So what do I make of this? I see that together we’ve a strength that is largely untapped as yet; I see that the parts of ourselves that we offer to the circle click together into a vast, shadowy three-dimensional object, the function of which we don’t understand, and which we’re not likely to.

Our gods and goddesses are different, our approaches are different, even our ideas about the Way are different. This difference brings diversity, strength, infinitude of opportunity for opinion and new horizons to open before us. It makes us think. We are not hermetically sealed within a system, trying to reach out; we’re already out, flying in the limitless cold clarity of the air around.

 So our un-understood machine – will it hurt us? Do we need to understand to have it work for us? I don’t think it matters – it might be frightening to imagine the wheels grinding into life, but we’ve accomplished great things so far, on tickover. Overdrive might be an interesting experience.

Rising Full

Seshat and I are working tonight, with the rising full moon. This is rolled up with Lammas, and the theme is perfect love and perfect trust.

There’s an enormous amount of energy about at the moment, and I think we both feel it. There’s much afoot. The dizzying implications of some of the possibilities are astounding us both.

I don’t think we’re the only ones that feel this huge positivity; it’s like being plugged into the mains. Friends have said how much they’re achieving and progressing, and how positive things are looking for them too.

These breakers come rolling by quite regularly but you need to be suited up and ready to catch some surf. We’re going to hit this one right on the money.

I’m so energised and excited by the prospect that I’m jumping about hardly able to concentrate. Funny, I don’t remember ever feeling this enthused about going to Church. Interesting, no?